I don’t think I’ve experienced a more emotionally and mentally taxing finals week, than I did this year.
I fought every single day of this semester to do well in my classes.
I would get up at 7AM, three days a week, to study for an hour and a half. Then at 8:30AM, I would meet with one of my professors since my schedule didn’t work with his office hours.
I reached out to multiple people on how I could understand Physics (I still don’t). I pushed myself to fall asleep at 11PM every night (sacrificing what little time was left to properly socialize) so I could wake up early the next day.
I went to executive board meetings and took care of my responsibilities for all of my leadership positions, and I did my absolute best to help my fellow suffering engineering friends with whatever I could.
And the night before my last final, after several defeating final exam experiences, I found myself sobbing in the middle of my textbook, begging myself to study for just two more hours. I felt overwhelmed and defeated and uncertain. I took some time to cry, time that felt stolen, before I went back to studying.
The next day I took my final and when I walked out, the triumphant feeling was missing.
I wish that the sentences that follow this one were filled with hope and had an inspiring message, but here is the truth: I am tired.
I fought tooth and nail to make it through this semester. I have suffered and cried and pushed and cried some more. I did my absolute best to do well. I even took a final exam that was optional, just to make sure I took every available opportunity. This isn’t the say that I didn’t do well. I don’t know what my final grades are, but I don’t believe they will be devastating. However, they may not be what I had hoped they would be.
Here’s what I want you to take away from this: Sometimes you will try your best, and it won’t be enough. Sometimes you will sacrifice some “chill time” in order to study a little bit more and still not be able to answer a question on an exam. It happens. It’s okay to feel defeated. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay. Tomorrow, you can try again. Tomorrow, is a new chance to complete the things you’ve started.
If today you could not do what you set out to do, at least you tried. At least you gave it your best. In life, you will often find that that is the most we can do.
Keep on keepin’ on, my people. We must push to get uphill, but the top of the mountain is where it is most beautiful.
11/4/2022 12:21:33 am
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Women of the African Diaspora writing for the empowerment of the next generation.